Funny Golf Quotes

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A selection of the funniest jokes, quotes and quips from professional golfers and celebrity golf fans including; Tiger Woods, Ben Hogan, Cameron Diaz, Lee Trevino, James Caan and Harper Lee.

”Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” – Tiger Woods

”The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” – Billy Graham

”I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.” – Will Rogers

”While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.” – Henny Youngman

”If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.” – Lee Trevino

”Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.” – Paul Harvey

”If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon

”Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.” – A. A. Milne

”I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.” – Ben Hogan

”Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” – Jim Bishop

”I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.” – Jeff Foxworthy

”He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle

”I can’t wait to be that age and hanging out with a bunch of people hanging out all day playing golf and going to the beach, all my own age. We’d be laughing and having a good time and getting loopy on our prescription drugs. Driving golf carts around. I can’t wait.” – Cameron Diaz

”I adore the game of golf. I won’t ever retire.” – Lee Trevino

”The greatest thing about golf, there’s no end to it unless you’re dead. You just go from here to the Senior Tour.” – Fuzzy Zoeller

”You have a lot of time on these tours. As Alice Cooper said, you can either drink all day or golf.” – Justin Timberlake

”I always thought of myself as some sort of athlete until I started playing golf a couple years ago.” – James Caan

”Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I’m able to tell a joke. I thank God I’m good at something.” – Ray Romano

”Well, they’re Southern people, and if they know you are working at home they think nothing of walking right in for coffee. But they wouldn’t dream of interrupting you at golf.” – Harper Lee

”Golf was my first glimpse of comedy. I was a caddy when I was a kid. I was on the golf course rather than being in lessons, but I can play better now than I could then.” – Bill Murray

”Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.” – James Patrick Murray